Hello, Sparkling Minds!
It is again a privilege to share my thoughts with you all. Each time we connect, I’m reminded of the profound impact our conversations can have on our journeys through life. This week, I invite you to take a moment to reflect on an essential aspect of our everyday existence: the circle we surround ourselves with.
It is again a privilege to share my thoughts with you all. Each time we connect, I’m reminded of the profound impact our conversations can have on our journeys through life. This week, I invite you to take a moment to reflect on an essential aspect of our everyday existence: the circle we surround ourselves with.
What do I mean by “circle”? It’s that network of friends, family, and colleagues who influence our thoughts, behaviors, and emotional well-being. But first, let’s ponder this—do we consciously recognize who is in our circle? Are these individuals lifting us, challenging us to grow, or perhaps holding us back in ways we don’t realize?
Together, let’s embark on a journey of exploration. We’ll delve deep into the dynamics of our relationships and uncover their powerful effects on our personal growth. By understanding who we allow into our lives, we can make more intentional choices that align with our aspirations and values. So, grab a comfortable seat, and let’s navigate this intriguing topic together. I promise you that the insights we uncover may transform the way you see your world!
We are all created to be helpful in one way or the other to make an impact on our world, which is your why. You can read more about my post on ‘What Is Your Why? AKA Purpose.’ It will help you understand why it is essential to find the key to your purpose. Now, back to the thoughts for this week: we all need people as no man is an island; even the most intelligent and wealthiest individuals are not alone; in fact, they are most successful when they are within their circle. However, the million-dollar question is, are they in the right circle? Hence, my question: who is in your circle?
For context purposes, your circle is the people who are in your inner chambers, people who understand your vision, run with it with you, and when success comes, it is easy for them to celebrate with you. So, do you now realize how deliberate you have to be with your circle? You cannot just bring anyone into your circle; as such, the more people you get into your circle, the more dangerous it is to fulfill your purpose. What? What is Sparkles saying? Yes, I iterate it again: the more people you allow access to your circle, the more dangerous it is for you.
It is a very delicate process. We all need someone one way or the other. However, it takes an intentional act, and you have to be deliberately conscious of your selection. I have shared with us in one of my posts that it can take a long time to have the right people, but the most important thing is that you have the right people in your circle. You need to use wisdom in your selection as people will show you the part they want you to perceive about them, reasons why you need to take your time, as people cannot pretend for long; their true nature will forcefully release itself.
One thing I find interesting is that people fall victim when they use sentiments and emotions to select people into their circle and, later on, feel hurt when things go wrong. If you have your circle all figured out and closed tight, congratulations, I will come back to you guys. Now, to those who are like, how can I have the right people in my circle? This is for you! Again, everything starts with self! In this community, it has already been known that having a journey to self is something that has often been discussed and shared on this platform. It is when you have a journey to self and understand who you indeed are that you will begin to appreciate your sense of purpose, your likes, strengths, dislikes, and weaknesses. Having this knowledge will empower you, giving you the confidence and control to consciously know and understand the right people because they do not need to know your vision if they do not understand you. The way such people will be interested in your well-being will be so genuine, and there will be no form of pretense or manipulation in their approach to your progress.
Please make sure they are people whose strengths complement your weaknesses, reasons why you need a journey to the self, as you need people who are better than you in some areas and are willing to give you constructive feedback to advance you to be better, not to subdue you to feel inferior or deceive by not telling you the truth. Can you now see why emotions cannot be used in this process? Be vigilant and observant about how they treat you when you are in your ups and downs. Are they happy you are going through a tough time, and do your successes threaten them? Observe the difference. Most importantly, think about this: anyone who will indeed go through the hurdles with you will not put you down and will be genuinely happy with you when you succeed, as they were there with you in that downtime. This process is the most delicate part of figuring out who to let into your circle.
Another litmus test is to figure out if your inner conversations (not secrets as that should be kept sacred), but private conversations shared with them, are heard somewhere else or in another circle. If your private talks are being listened to in another circle, then you have a talebearer in your circle and definitely not to be trusted. Now, this is for those who have their circle; you need to make sure you check in your circle periodically as people change, especially when you begin to succeed, and the more you progress, the more you get lonely at the top as people change and you will need to let them go. Now you can tell maintaining your circle is not a walk in the park. It takes a conscious effort to keep your circle close and tight so as not to fall victim to manipulation.
Sparkling minds, be careful not to have just one person in your circle. You make them too powerful, especially with private matters. Also, it’s too risky to have many people in your circle, as there is definitely a higher probability that you will be betrayed. That’s why I recommend that you use wisdom to figure out the number of people you allow into your circle and the quality of people you give the privilege of sharing your vision.
Let’s be guided as not everyone should be given the title of friend. Friendship should be a badge of honor that is earned and not given out easily. Like any relationship, friendships should be tested and maintained, and once overcome by these challenges, you will be convinced that you have a true friend who should be rewarded with the badge of honor, and the more they show actions with good intentions, the higher chances they become part of your circle. Be selfish about this process as it relates to your purpose, vision, and destiny.
Know who is in your circle and maintain your circle! Remember, you have the power to choose who you surround yourself with, so make sure it’s the right circle for you.
Until the next post…xoxo,
Stay Thoughtful!
Stay Thoughtful!
“Aguntan to ba ba aja rin. A je igbe” I remember my grandmother saying this many times while growing up. It means If an animal that is meant to eat grass and/or nutritious food follow another animal that eats dung for a long time, they will both end up eating dung. If I may say this in other words: ” Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm’, “Bad company corrupts good character.”. I know some people might say that following these instructions is too harsh or too religious
Let me share a story of two close friends I met as fellow students at the University some years ago. They have been friends since they were in high school. So, I do not know the genesis of their friendship. Let me name them as A & B. A was from a well-to-do family while B was from a middle income family. I noticed that B had some sort of hold on A but I couldn’t figure out why. A was always willing to please B. It is not as if B was more beautiful or smarter than A. After some months, I realized that B put A down most of the time and A had come to accept it as B joking with or correcting her. It spans from complaints about B’s clothes, the way she talks, to the kind of guy she dates, spends her and much more. In my ‘investigation’ I discovered this started from when they became friends in grade 8 or 9 (Form1 or 2 British system secondary school). One would think that B being a confident person, would help A with whatever low esteem she had. Instead, she used it to ‘reduce’ her. Why I am bringing this since I was the one that one should walk with the wise. Check the ‘wise’ you are walking CLOSELY (emphasis mine) with. Check what value anyone you have brought into your close circle is adding to your life. I was of the school of: Do everything you can for people without expecting anything in return.. I am still of that school but will not have a one way relationship whereby a person in my close circle has the on/off switch button. I agree with you Sparkles. Be intentional; Be deliberate about your inner circle choices! What eventually happened to A & B? A lost herself including moral choices to B’s way of life (Will not go into details) which was against A’s values. The good news is that when A moved to another country a few years ago, she finally started building her confidence back……But Oh boy, it took several years! Great Piece Sparkles. More power to your elbow.
Lovely me! I had to take a pause to actualize how to respond to your comments, as it’s fully loaded! Thank you first for the time you genuinely invested in not only reading but also responding to each post; it’s supportive, encouraging, and very appreciated!
Back to your comments, I cannot agree more. What value are we adding to any circle and not expecting anything in return, which is what should be expected of a true friend? Yes, one good turn deserves another, but let it come naturally, not as a form of entitlement. After all, whatever we sow, we reap! This is one way to test and know if we really have the right people in our circle—expecting nothing in return.
Thank you, Lovely Me. Words can’t express the tremendous support and learning perspective you bring to this platform.
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Stay Thoughtful!