Hello Thoughtful People!
I know it’s been a minute, and I’m thrilled to finally share my thoughts on the dynamic between sons and parenting. Following my last blog post on the special bonds between fathers and daughters, I’ve been eagerly anticipating this discussion. If you haven’t checked out my previous post on Father: A Daughter’s First Love, I highly recommend doing so before diving into this one. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this topic!
I know it’s been a minute, and I’m thrilled to finally share my thoughts on the dynamic between sons and parenting. Following my last blog post on the special bonds between fathers and daughters, I’ve been eagerly anticipating this discussion. If you haven’t checked out my previous post on Father: A Daughter’s First Love, I highly recommend doing so before diving into this one. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this topic!
Let’s kick things off with a compelling question: Why are sons the carriers of their parents’ legacies and not daughters? As you ponder this, I’d like to share an event inspired by a real-life story that has truly shaped my perspective on this topic. Stay tuned for an engaging and thought-provoking read!
Let me tell you a story about two families, the Johnsons and the Jeffersons. These families couldn’t have been more different. Their backgrounds, cultures, beliefs, and financial statuses were worlds apart. The only common ground they shared was that they were both blessed with male children. The Johnsons were wealthy and resided in an affluent area with two boys. In contrast, the Jeffersons, a middle-class family living on the more affordable side of the city, had three sons and were continually striving to make ends meet.
Despite their divergent circumstances, a unique bond linked these families together. Mr. Johnson was Mr. Jefferson’s boss, meaning that they were in the same line of business. This connection extended to their sons, who attended the same school and participated in various sporting events. However, what created the connection more was that the Johnson boys frequently visited the Jeffersons and spent most of their public holidays with them, and their parents were okay with it.
Fast-forward 15 years (yes, that’s a long time), and we find ourselves at the wedding of the Johnsons’ second son. As he took the floor to make a speech, his words were so heartfelt that not a dry eye remained in the room.
He spoke openly about his upbringing, acknowledging the privilege he had but revealing that he never truly felt privileged. He described how Mr. Jefferson, despite his demanding schedule, always made time for his family. Every day, the entire Jefferson family would gather in the kitchen, engaging in casual conversations and sharing the highlights of their day. During these moments, Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson would impart valuable lessons from their discussions, with Mr. Jefferson offering a male perspective and Mrs. Jefferson providing a female viewpoint. He admitted feeling envious because, despite his own father not being as occupied as Mr. Jefferson, he never prioritized family time in the same way. Furthermore, he shared how the Jeffersons eventually welcomed him and his brothers into their family time, an act that profoundly impacted their lives.
Now, there is much to say in his story that was shared, but I will stop there so I can share my thoughts on it. Parents play pivotal roles in shaping the lives of their children, regardless of gender. Fathers have a crucial responsibility to spend quality time with their sons, imparting the values of accountability and integrity. They must exemplify what it means to be a provider, protector, and leader of a family. The way sons perceive their father’s treatment of their wives and children will influence their future behavior toward their own families. Fathers need to communicate to their sons that vulnerability is not a weakness but a display of strength. They should guide their sons to be both logical and expressive, forming the bridge to connect with their future wives and daughters, who tend to be more expressive. On the other hand, mothers should demonstrate to their sons how to treat women with kindness, empathy, and understanding. Witnessing the sacrifices made by their fathers to support the family and the nurturing nature of their mothers will help sons recognize the qualities they need to seek in their future partners. This nurturing environment significantly increases the likelihood of sons replicating the same behavior in their own households, thereby establishing a healthy legacy for generations to come.
How can a man be both expressive and logical? I delved into this topic in my post Redefining Masculinity: Why Expressing Emotions Is A Sign Of Strength, which sheds light on this balance and its significance. Both fathers and mothers need to unite in guiding their sons, as they are the future heads of households. Establishing a solid foundation for their future homes is crucial to ensure their longevity and stability.
I know culture and tradition have a lot to play with when it comes to raising a child. They serve as a beautiful means of expressing identity. However, it is also crucial to consider the impact of certain traditions that emphasize toughness in men. Research and statistics show that such traditions often lead to broken homes and difficulties in relationships for both sons and daughters. Sons may struggle to relate to their wives and children, mirroring the behavior they witnessed from their fathers, while daughters may end up in unhealthy relationships. While men need to be strong protectors, other vital responsibilities should align with cultural and traditional values. I also invite you to read my blog post on Unlearn To Relearn: Embracing Change In A Rapidly Evolving World to understand the evolving dynamics of today’s world, which is way different from the 70s, 80s, and 90s, especially when it comes to masculinity. The rigid nature of family roles within communities has contributed to the challenges faced by young men in fathering their children and being loving husbands. While I value the positive aspects of culture and tradition, there is a need to question certain practices when it comes to raising a family. Men have a crucial role to play, and it’s essential to ensure that our sons are equipped to carry forward our legacies.
Have you ever wondered why some men become abusive or end up behind bars? It often boils down to the absence of positive parental guidance in their lives. With proper role models, they can learn how to be accountable as fathers, husbands, and responsible individuals. Merely having parents isn’t enough; what truly matters is having them actively present in one’s life. This distinction is crucial.
Also, I want to address that sons need to have positive male and female role models in their lives, even if it’s not their biological parents. These figures can be uncles, aunts, or other trusted individuals who can guide and inspire them to become responsible and impactful young men. The Johnson boys, for instance, recognized the positive influence from Jefferson’s home environment and the solid parent-child relationships there. They made a conscious decision to be a part of that atmosphere, which significantly shaped their lives and futures. If you need parental guidance, remember that you have the power to shape your own destiny. Seek out families with solid values and morals, and observe the examples set by the parents through their actions. Surround yourself with positive influences, as the company we keep dramatically impacts our lives. Despite coming from an affluent background, the Johnson boys understood the importance of parental presence and tied themselves to it even though it was not implemented in their home.
I vividly recall the era when raising a child was a communal effort, a time when it indeed took a village. Fast forward to today, and the responsibility has shifted to just me and my family. While I acknowledge the safety considerations behind this shift, it’s crucial to emphasize the deliberate and intentional nature of our choices when it comes to the people we surround ourselves with. Our children are the future torchbearers of our values and traditions. Therefore, we must lead by example, teaching our sons how to love and care for their future families and guiding our daughters in making wise decisions when it comes to choosing a life partner. Ultimately, it all comes down to the influence of parental figures and the way they demonstrate love and care within the household.
To our current and future generations, this is your time to shape your own legacy. Ask yourselves how you want your legacy to be and whether your parents reflect that kind of legacy you envision. If not, have that conversation with them. Remember, parents did the best they could in their time, guided by their culture and traditions, which have shifted compared to present times. Now, it’s your turn to be the generation that builds the bridge, bringing awareness and understanding to the importance of parental presence and what is needed to encourage healthier families and legacies.
I hope we all learned a thing or two from this post. Honestly, even yours sincerely learned something. We all need to be comfortable expressing ourselves to our children and, most importantly, show them how it is done as fathers and mothers. So, sparkling mind community, share your own thoughts on this post in the comment section, and as always, we are all learning from each other.
XOXO, Stay Thoughtful!
Wow this is amazing
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Xoxo, Stay Thoughtful!