Now, back to my thoughts for today: How are our future generations raised? I asked myself this question because I have come to realize from different instances that one of the factors and contributions to why some marriages/relationships get dissolved is how individuals were raised.
Parents who see no reason to scold their children are up for a massive surprise in their future. What am I saying? When parents do not correct their children, it is one of two things: either they are afraid of their children (trust me, some parents are), or they do not care and allow their children to be over-pampered and spoiled. This means that children who are raised without any form of correction and discipline tend to get away with everything and become entitled.
Now, when I talk about correction or discipline, it should be done carefully. There is a thin line between discipline and abuse. Parents can have candid conversations with their kids, take away privileges, and/or discipline them in a way that will remind them not to repeat certain misconducts again (I am Nigerian born and raised, so my fellow African folks might know what I mean).
Children who were raised without discipline end up as grown-ups who will not likely take corrections from others. They have given themselves the dominant ideology that they are always right and will not hid to corrections or constructive criticism. They become a pain to their parents, as their parents will have to keep giving excuses for their children’s misconduct. Some parents even take offense if other parents or teachers scold their children. Remember the adage that says it takes a village to raise a child? It really does! As I remember growing up, I was always scared when I got into trouble. It is because growing up as a “tomboy,” my neighbors would have deep conversations with me about how they heard I had been stubborn. Or even coming back home with a bad grade; it was torture, as most parents on my street knew, and I would have that “dreaded talk!” with them. But you know what? These dreaded talks from neighbors taught me a lesson. I was cautious about how to behave and get better grades in school to avoid these talks. It contributed to what made me the better person that I am today. By the way, these were additional to what my mother did to me at home as punishment. So, I had no choice but to change to avoid all these.
Let’s think about this on a deeper level. If you make your research or observations, you will realize that children, both male and female, who were raised without discipline will have problems in their relationships/marriages. How? Parents who do not train/discipline their sons will end up not taking corrections and advice from their wives. This can cause a massive rift in a marriage/relationship and, in most cases, dissolve it. It will be hard for them to compromise on anything in their marriages/relationships, which can take a significant toll on the wife.
On the other hand, when parents do not train/discipline their daughters, they become entitled and expect their husbands to endure their misconduct. After all, their parents have never treated them in that manner. This can make their husbands overwhelmed, and they may end up finding comfort in another, which can lead to extramarital affairs and, worse situations, causing the marriage/relationship to dissolve.
It is even more of a concern when parents tend to side and defend their children’s misconduct during a rift in their marriages/relationships without being objective, which can worsen their behavior. This is because they will feel that they are right as their parents who should be their first line of discipline and correction, ends up supporting their bad behavior/habits. How do you think they will be able to learn or change, as they have been used to this behavior and not corrected for their misconduct over decades?
As the last child of a family of 6 girls, it was tough on my widowed mother that lost her husband, my father when I was very young, to single handedly raise me who was yet a teenager with my sisters. She was under pressure in an African society to make sure that her girls turn out right without a father. Was I caned as a form of discipline? Yes sir! Were privileges removed to straighten me up? Yes ma’am. Was my social life (friend, kind of parties, movies, etc) scrutinized? Yes!!! I was disciplined but at the same time had fun. Nice school where teachers could correct school work and character. Neighborhood that other parents could correct you before your biological parents know about your misconduct/misbehavior. I am proud to have had many ‘parents’ and the knowledge that I couldn’t just get away anything helped shape the person I am today. Love & Discipline . In this generation where many children feel entitled, parents wait on their children and can easily be manipulated by their kids, please teach your children that “things some don’t come easy ” “Tough times don’t last. but tough people do” ” Thank you Sparkles for bringing back my childhood memories and all the canes & ‘abara’ I got😊 ” For whom the Lord loves He chastens” –
This is a meaningful comment and I appreciate sharing your valuable experiences, which is definitely different in today’s generation. You are very correct, gone are the days where it takes a village to raise a child.
Thank you very much for your time sharing this insightful comment.
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