Father: A Daughter’s First Love

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Howdy, Thoughtful People!
I welcome you again to the Sparkling Minds community, and I am thrilled to share my thoughts for this week. It might come as a trigger for most of our readers, but it’s okay. We live and learn, so give yourself some grace, and do not be hard on yourself!

Before I share my thoughts for this week, in which I will refer to a story, I want to raise this importance, especially for our current and future generations, that one of the ways to raise well-trained children is by having healed and emotionally intelligent two-parent households. There are exceptions, of course, to the unexpected demise of a spouse or marriage dissolution. It happens! However, they are also the underlying importance of raising daughters and sons to be aware and empowered for this journey called life, which is what I am about to share with you all.

Now, what went wrong in the life of this promising young lady, having a wealthy background and, of course, being successful as a career woman but not as much as in her marriage? I mean, she was raised in a two-parent household and, of course, wealthy, so what went wrong? Should we call it daddy issues?
Let me take you all on a journey of the story of a promising young lady who had mind-blowing dreams and wanted to become great in her future and one day raise a family of her own. She is the only child of her parents, and her father was very well-to-do, meaning he was wealthy as a corporate lawyer. She finished high school and furthered her studies by going to university. She went to one of the best universities in the country and, of course, was fully funded by her wealthy father. This young lady was very involved in the university and, of course, participated in religious activities as her parents were Christians. She graduated and made her parents proud with honors. As she was the only child of her parents, she received everything she wanted and ended up working for one of the reputable companies out of her state. As a very opinionated young lady, she was respected and valued for her bright ideas. She eventually met a man, and of course, the guy knew who she was and did his magic, and they got married. They both had a child, and things went downhill afterward. Her husband did not like that she was moving up in her career and eventually stopped her from working. He made her a medium of extorting money from her father, and he used the money to fund other girls he was involved with in extramarital affairs. After being in her marriage for over 11 years, she became depressed and almost took her life. Her parents found out and decided to take her to one of the best rehabilitation facilities in the city while they took care of her son, and there she began her healing process. Her husband, of course, filed for a divorce while she was in rehab, which made her more depressed. During her healing process, she eventually opened up and shared her story. One question that was asked was about having such a wonderful life. What went wrong? She responded by expressing that she had everything in the world but had never experienced the presence of her father and wished he was more present in her life, not through gifts but through spending quality time with her.
One of the things that stood out to me was her relationship with her dad. From the story shared, her dad was a corporate lawyer, however he hardly had time for her; I can imagine his work was very demanding. But let me chime in here and act as the devil’s advocate. Her father worked round the clock to give her the life she enjoyed, so what would be the problem? Taking a step back, we can go back to the story that her father did not spend quality time with her, so let’s equate it to maybe her dad rarely showing up for her school activities, or not having conversations to bond with her, or even showing her how to be cared for by a man. Now, some people will call her spoiled or entitled and view the timeless time in which her father was working as a sacrifice for her to enjoy the life she is living.
I will stop with the story and get down to share my thoughts about it. First of all, a father is a daughter’s first love in a psychologically social way. He is the first male and masculine presence in her life. He is the first person to show his daughter (if he has one) how to be cared for financially, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, sacrificially, and, most importantly, to protect her. I stand to be corrected, but my thoughts on sacrifice are not just working hard to provide, which is essential, but showing their daughters how they are their priorities no matter how tedious or demanding their jobs may be can also be viewed as a sacrifice. Investing time with their daughters by spending quality time with them shows their daughters that the time well spent with them makes them valuable. For men, time is a sacrifice as time is money, so they want to spend time on things that will bring them money. Now, if their daughters see how their fathers use some of that time to make money to spend time with them, it will teach them that they are important, valued, and set as priorities to be cared for.

Charity begins from home, meaning how a child, whether as a son or daughter, behaves or thinks primarily comes from how they see their parents relate with each other and how their parents relate with them. Think about it and do your research. Women who end up with abusive or narcissistic spouses are caused by one of these two reasons or both, which is that they did not find the time to take a journey to self to know who they are and to know the person that will complement their strengths and weaknesses, or they did not have a fatherly or masculine presence in their lives. Also, if you can, research why some ladies are wayward or are out there in brothels selling their bodies; it is due to one of these or all of the above: hardship due to the lack of financial support from parents or, again, lack of fatherly or masculine presence in their lives, or unfortunate situations, where they were kidnapped and then human trafficked. What is common in both cases is that there is a lack of fatherly or masculine presence in their lives.

What am I trying to pass across? I am raising the awareness that fathers play a very vital role in the lives of their daughters. If they are not present in their lives, in most cases, it will reflect on the kind of men their daughters will choose as spouses. One vital mission for every female gender is making the right choice for a spouse, as it can make or break their pursuit in life. Like the story shared in this post, this lady had everything that money could buy and was an honor student with a vibrant religious personality. However, she ended up in the wrong hands and almost took her life, thanks to the intervention of her parents. Again, good, decent, and godly ladies can fall into this trap due to a lack of fatherly or masculine presence in their lives.
Fathers need to understand this and know that the moment they have children, it is not about themselves anymore. Their jobs, businesses, and positions can be replaced. However, their children are their future and legacy. They reflect the value you place on them because they grow up to behave and relate to other men based on how you treat them.

For widows who lost their husbands (sorry for your loss), however, it is essential to have a masculine presence (whether from brothers, trusted male relatives, trusted male family friends, or well-respected male mentors) in the lives of your daughters, as it is very crucial. If you decide to remarry, first know who you are, who will compliment you, value your children, protect them, and will invest quality time in them. For women who are single mothers or divorced, please do not be vindictive and hinder your children from spending quality time with their fathers except in the case that he is a danger to them or does not want to be in their lives. You want to avoid being hated by them when they come of age and demand to see their fathers. On the flip side, fathers who spoil their daughters and spare the rod (meaning no form of discipline) will end up having their daughters either stay single (as no man will want to marry them) or men will use and dump them, which can cause other issues to their lives. So please, fathers, treat your daughters as princesses that they are, but check them when they are wrong.

Girls who have experienced a fatherly or masculine presence in their lives and intentionally take a journey to know themselves will understand how important and valued they are, which shows how they choose their spouses. There is a massive difference from girls who do not. It’s all interconnected and has cascading effects.

Lastly, why is it the father or an important male presence in the family that walks their daughters/ladies down the aisle when they are getting married? I learned from Dr. Myles Monroe (of blessed memory) that it is because a man, in this case, the husband, is like a father to his wife intimately and romantically. So, husbands are meant to protect, provide, invest, and spend quality time with their wives, as the fathers did to their daughters in a psychologically social way. It is like transferring the baton of responsibility as fathers or masculine presence in their lives, so you see why they are very vital in a girl’s life?

So, what do you think, sparkling minds? What are your views and take on the story shared? Do daughters really need a fatherly or masculine presence in their lives, or what are other ways to make this right? You can share your thoughts or an experience through the comment section. Remember, it will help current and future generations to be aware, empowered, and become the best versions of themselves.
Most of you might be thinking, what about sons? Do not worry. Stay tuned for that, and I hope you will be enlightened!
Food for thoughts, we are not just training our children for ourselves but for the betterment of our community and nation at large!
Stay Thoughtful!
18 Comments

  • This is a wonderful piece of writing… Almost every girl or a lady can relate to this.. love it.. great going Sparkles..
    Can you answer one question of mine?

    “Which can better hold a relationship.. love or trust?”
    Pick one please… I know both are vital but which is your choice…

    Reply

    • Thank you, Nithia for your thoughtful comments!

      To your question, I will go with TRUST! How can two people love eachother when they cannot trust eachother? I believe without trust you cannot love, because love is a feeling/emotion that can blossom or die, but with trust, it’s like ride or die. Reasons why most relationships dissolve when there is no trust.

      I hope this makes sense.

      …Stay Thoughtful 💕✨️💕

      Reply

  • “A girl’s first love is the father”; “A mother’s first love is the mother”; “My child is my hero”. Many people play around with these words, but we need to know that these words speak volume.
    There is this girl who lost her dad at a very young age. Her dad despite being a very busy businessman, would take his little girl to school himself despite having drivers(chauffeurs), sometimes eat alone with her & talks to her about life and take her to business meetings where a child is allowed in. Is the father perfect? Not at all. He has his shortcomings and shows to the girl that he is mere human, working hard to stick to his values. The bar has been set high by this dad.

    Sparkles, I would also like us to look at where the bar has been set so high that it’s been hard for a lady looking for someone like her ‘first love’ ends up not marrying or divorcing due to this bar and high expectations.
    The bottom line is that fathers should not be a dad by name alone. Aside from being responsible financially and emotionally, even if divorced, work hard to be an example of how a good husband/man should be so that your daughters do not settle for less.
    Let them know that it is possible to find somebody better than you or not exactly as good as you, but they should be themselves and ‘balance the equation’. Yes! Be themselves and never lose their core values (taught by you or experience/life)

    Single mothers by choice, divorce or death of spouse with no man that could stand in as a dad or an example of one, do not lose hope. Remember the little girl I spoke of earlier? That girl is me. Yup. Me. My dad passed on over 5 decades ago and what I remember most is not the opulence we had but those piggy rides, monkeying around, the “That’s my girl” words & look; those meetings that had no meaning to a little girl then, and not forgetting the ‘bush meat’ he brought home from business trips 😊 I did not really have a man to look up to since my siblings are all girls. Most of my paternal uncles absconded with property titles/money and the only maternal uncle was patriarchal and lived far. God brought different people at different times along my path which shapened who I am now….and I am doing fine 👌

    Another great piece Sparkles! Can’t wait to read the next one

    Reply

    • Thank you, Lovely Me, for your thoughtful and detailed comments. I completely agree with you, and I plan to make a post just showcasing and highlighting your insights because you raised some critical points (full credit given to you). This is what I mean when I say we can all learn from each other, and it truly is a beautiful thing. I appreciate your well-considered input on this topic.

      Xoxo, Stay Thoughtful!

      Reply

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    • This is truly humbling! Thank you so much for your kind comments. You are absolutely right; this is a tricky yet very important topic that we all need to be aware of, especially for our current and future generations.

      You can read my thoughts in my new post titled “Son: A Parent’s Legacy.”

      Xoxo, stay thoughtful!

      Reply

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    • Thank you very much for finding this platform engaging! The goal is to raise awareness on essential topics to empower everyone, especially our current and future generations, so they can discover their purpose and create strategies to fulfill it.

      I appreciate your subscription, as it encourages me to continue this work. Stay tuned!

      Xoxo, Stay Thoughtful!

      Reply

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    • I sincerely appreciate your comments; they truly encourage me.

      Thoughts By Sparkles aims to make a difference and create a positive impact for generations, not to divide or devalue them. I hope you’ll stay tuned and continue to be inspired, as it takes a community to grow and learn from one another. We in the Sparkling Mind community celebrate the beauty of diversity, so your thoughts and perspectives are always welcome!

      Xoxo, stay thoughtful!

      Reply

    • Thank you for your comments!

      Please feel free to share it with your Twitter group. Thoughts By Sparkles aims to provide valuable insights that empower minds. The more awareness we create, the more people will be empowered because knowledge is power! Thank you for your support!

      Xoxo, Stay Thoughtful!

      Reply
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