I welcome you again to the Sparkling Minds community, and I am thrilled to share my thoughts for this week. It might come as a trigger for most of our readers, but it’s okay. We live and learn, so give yourself some grace, and do not be hard on yourself!
Before I share my thoughts for this week, in which I will refer to a story, I want to raise this importance, especially for our current and future generations, that one of the ways to raise well-trained children is by having healed and emotionally intelligent two-parent households. There are exceptions, of course, to the unexpected demise of a spouse or marriage dissolution. It happens! However, they are also the underlying importance of raising daughters and sons to be aware and empowered for this journey called life, which is what I am about to share with you all.
Charity begins from home, meaning how a child, whether as a son or daughter, behaves or thinks primarily comes from how they see their parents relate with each other and how their parents relate with them. Think about it and do your research. Women who end up with abusive or narcissistic spouses are caused by one of these two reasons or both, which is that they did not find the time to take a journey to self to know who they are and to know the person that will complement their strengths and weaknesses, or they did not have a fatherly or masculine presence in their lives. Also, if you can, research why some ladies are wayward or are out there in brothels selling their bodies; it is due to one of these or all of the above: hardship due to the lack of financial support from parents or, again, lack of fatherly or masculine presence in their lives, or unfortunate situations, where they were kidnapped and then human trafficked. What is common in both cases is that there is a lack of fatherly or masculine presence in their lives.
For widows who lost their husbands (sorry for your loss), however, it is essential to have a masculine presence (whether from brothers, trusted male relatives, trusted male family friends, or well-respected male mentors) in the lives of your daughters, as it is very crucial. If you decide to remarry, first know who you are, who will compliment you, value your children, protect them, and will invest quality time in them. For women who are single mothers or divorced, please do not be vindictive and hinder your children from spending quality time with their fathers except in the case that he is a danger to them or does not want to be in their lives. You want to avoid being hated by them when they come of age and demand to see their fathers. On the flip side, fathers who spoil their daughters and spare the rod (meaning no form of discipline) will end up having their daughters either stay single (as no man will want to marry them) or men will use and dump them, which can cause other issues to their lives. So please, fathers, treat your daughters as princesses that they are, but check them when they are wrong.
Lastly, why is it the father or an important male presence in the family that walks their daughters/ladies down the aisle when they are getting married? I learned from Dr. Myles Monroe (of blessed memory) that it is because a man, in this case, the husband, is like a father to his wife intimately and romantically. So, husbands are meant to protect, provide, invest, and spend quality time with their wives, as the fathers did to their daughters in a psychologically social way. It is like transferring the baton of responsibility as fathers or masculine presence in their lives, so you see why they are very vital in a girl’s life?
This is a wonderful piece of writing… Almost every girl or a lady can relate to this.. love it.. great going Sparkles..
Can you answer one question of mine?
“Which can better hold a relationship.. love or trust?”
Pick one please… I know both are vital but which is your choice…
Thank you, Nithia for your thoughtful comments!
To your question, I will go with TRUST! How can two people love eachother when they cannot trust eachother? I believe without trust you cannot love, because love is a feeling/emotion that can blossom or die, but with trust, it’s like ride or die. Reasons why most relationships dissolve when there is no trust.
I hope this makes sense.
…Stay Thoughtful 💕✨️💕
“A girl’s first love is the father”; “A mother’s first love is the mother”; “My child is my hero”. Many people play around with these words, but we need to know that these words speak volume.
There is this girl who lost her dad at a very young age. Her dad despite being a very busy businessman, would take his little girl to school himself despite having drivers(chauffeurs), sometimes eat alone with her & talks to her about life and take her to business meetings where a child is allowed in. Is the father perfect? Not at all. He has his shortcomings and shows to the girl that he is mere human, working hard to stick to his values. The bar has been set high by this dad.
Sparkles, I would also like us to look at where the bar has been set so high that it’s been hard for a lady looking for someone like her ‘first love’ ends up not marrying or divorcing due to this bar and high expectations.
The bottom line is that fathers should not be a dad by name alone. Aside from being responsible financially and emotionally, even if divorced, work hard to be an example of how a good husband/man should be so that your daughters do not settle for less.
Let them know that it is possible to find somebody better than you or not exactly as good as you, but they should be themselves and ‘balance the equation’. Yes! Be themselves and never lose their core values (taught by you or experience/life)
Single mothers by choice, divorce or death of spouse with no man that could stand in as a dad or an example of one, do not lose hope. Remember the little girl I spoke of earlier? That girl is me. Yup. Me. My dad passed on over 5 decades ago and what I remember most is not the opulence we had but those piggy rides, monkeying around, the “That’s my girl” words & look; those meetings that had no meaning to a little girl then, and not forgetting the ‘bush meat’ he brought home from business trips 😊 I did not really have a man to look up to since my siblings are all girls. Most of my paternal uncles absconded with property titles/money and the only maternal uncle was patriarchal and lived far. God brought different people at different times along my path which shapened who I am now….and I am doing fine 👌
Another great piece Sparkles! Can’t wait to read the next one